Top 5 Things NOT To Say When a Friend’s Pet Dies (and What You Shoul

by Mary Simpson

Published: April 2nd, 2016

top 5 things not to say when a friends pet dies and what you shoul

When a friend’s beloved pet dies, you want to say the right thing… but the wrong words come out. We’ve got a few suggestions of what to say and what to avoid.

In a corner of my living room sits Shelby’s toy box. Its full of the usual bits and bobs; expensive store bought toys, bits of jute twine, cat-nip mice, bottle caps, and her all-time favorite, a tiny bushy haired troll doll that she would proudly parade around the house while uttering those throaty, guttural sounds known only to a pet parent of felines. She was a key part of my family for 16 years and I miss her terribly.

What I find interesting is that to date, not one of my other furry room-mates has touched her stuff. Is it respect for the former head of our household? Do they think she is coming back? Are they aware of my sense of loss? That a full blown looting of this bounty of goodies has not yet happened does cause me to wonder why critters seem so capable of respectfully mourning alongside us while friends, family and co-workers seem to stumble so badly when it comes to delivering on the comfort factor.

Some tips for those at a loss for words?

Let’s start with what NOT to say to someone who has just lost their pet:

You just have to get over it. Why are you so upset? It’s only an animal.

Grieving is an experience where rules don’t apply. We know we need to work at getting over the death of our pet however we don’t need to feel guilty for our grief or feel that it should be time-bound.

Were you thinking of getting rid of his toys/bed/leash /crate? These things are so expensive to buy new and I sure could use them.

These items are still tremendous visual cues to special moments spent with our pets. They remind us of our walks, trips, one-on-one time. Let the individual make the offer to you when they’re ready to do so.

Are you going to get him stuffed/buried in the backyard?

Pets are warm, loving companions with unique, quirky personalities that entertain and delight us for years. To ask about the disposal of his/her remains disrespects this special relationship and tells the owner you just don’t understand the significance of the loss.

Go get another dog/cat/pet. The shelters are full them!

As with a human loss, a beloved pet is irreplaceable and to suggest a substitute will suffice, is ignorant at best. Pet parents are a special breed unto themselves and they are highly aware of rescue shelters and that other animals are in need. Allow them the time to find one another.

You had him a long time – be thankful for that.

We are thankful, but it wasn’t long enough. I can’t think of any other relationship where one loves, cares and nurtures a creature for 15 years, then has to say good bye. I had one of my cats from the time I was 23 till just before my 40 birthday. What a huge portion of one’s lifetime to share with one furry little constant!

Looking for something that will truly offer comfort and support to a grieving pet parent? Here are some tips:

I’m so sorry. Is there anything I can do for you?

It’s so important to recognize that the pet’s parent feels absolutely lost and an offer of support – whether accepted or not – lets them know that you get it. Be sincere and be prepared to honor your offer.

I’m here if you want to talk about it.

When I lost one of my younger cats suddenly, I was surprised at how comforting it was to talk about him and share photos. It kept him alive and digging out all the old photos reminded me that he was so loved, totally indulged and completely happy during his two short years.

Do you remember when…?

If you’re close to the individual, you have probably spent a fair bit of time with their pet. By sharing your memories and stories you tell the grieving parent that these experiences were important to you too and remind them that they’re not alone.

You did everything you could do.

When a pet is lost to age or illness, owners want to believe they did everything possible to pro-long the inevitable. We never want to feel we gave up on our fur-kid and it’s important those offering support remind us that we did right by our pet.

Send a card or make a donation.

Seek out a relevant cause and make a donation in the pet’s name. When I took Shelby to a nearby clinic for cremation they sent me a wonderful letter to advise that a donation had been made in Shelby’s honor to a local animal shelter. That my little girl had triggered this donation gave me such an amazing boost.

Mary Simpson is an animal-loving writer and communications professional. A soft touch for anything stray, she shares her century home with an eclectic collection of rescues that include orange tabby Chico, tuxedo Simon, and jet black Owen. She enjoys running, politics, exploring local wine regions and is an avid supporter of the “shop local” movement.

Mary Simpson

Sharing space with three seriously judgy Schnoodles and a feline who prefers to be left alone. #LivingMyBestLife

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The friendly, playful, and trainable Labrador is one of the most popular dog breeds around the world. But, few canines are as obsessed with food as Labrador retrievers - and now scientists think they have discovered why. According to new research, a quarter of labs are predisposed to obesity due to a genetic mutation.Approximately 25 percent of Labradors face a double-whammy of burning fewer calories and feeling hungry all the time because of an anomaly. Scientists explain that this obesity-causing combination means dog owners must be strict when feeding and exercising their labs to keep them fit.The mutation is found in the gene called POMC, which plays an important role in energy use and hunger, and affects how dogs behave around food. Around 25 percent of Labradors and 66 percent of flat-coated retrievers are affected by POMC mutation, which puts these dogs at risk of obesity and causes increased interest in food.Researchers found that although these dogs don’t need to eat more to feel full, they are hungrier in between meals. The study also showed that dogs with the POMC mutation use around 25 percent less energy when resting than dogs without it. As a result, these pooches don’t need to eat as many calories to maintain a healthy weight. “We found that a mutation in the POMC gene seems to make dogs hungrier. Affected dogs tend to overeat because they get hungry between meals more quickly than dogs without the mutation,” said Dr. Eleanor Raffan, a researcher in the University of Cambridge’s Department of Physiology, Development, and Neuroscience who led the study. “All owners of Labradors and flat-coated retrievers need to watch what they’re feeding these highly food-motivated dogs to keep them a healthy weight. But dogs with this genetic mutation face a double whammy: they not only want to eat more, but also need fewer calories because they’re not burning them off as fast,” she added.The study found that the POMC mutation alters a pathway in dogs’ brains associated with body weight regulation. The mutated genes trigger the starvation signal that sends a message to the body to increase food intake and conserve energy.The study involved 87 adult pet Labradors, all at a healthy weight or moderately obese. The dogs were subjected to several tests, including ‘the sausage in the box’ test. The dogs were first given a can of wet dog food every 20 minutes until they couldn’t eat any more. All labs eat huge amounts of food, but what’s interesting is that dogs with POMC didn’t eat more food than the dogs without it.On a different day, all dogs were given the same breakfast. Three hours later they were offered a sausage in a box made of clear plastic and a perforated lid, so the dogs could see and smell the sausage but not eat it.Scientists discovered that labs with POMC mutation tried harder to get the sausage than the dogs without it, showing greater hunger. In another test, the dogs were allowed to sleep in a special chamber that measured the gases they breathed out. This test showed that labs with POMC mutation burn 25 percent fewer calories than dogs without it. According to researchers, people are often rude to owners of fat dogs, criticizing them for not feeding and exercising their dogs properly. However, this study has shown that labs with POMC are trying to increase their energy intake by looking for food all the time. Keeping these dogs slim is challenging, but possible. Spreading out daily food rations, by using puzzle feeders to slow down feeding or scattering the food around the yard so it takes longer to eat are ways owners can keep their Labradors distracted from constant hunger. Join the PetGuide community. Get the latest pet news and product recommendations by subscribing to our newsletter here.

Pandemic Puppies Are Behaving Badly, Study Shows

Puppies bought during the COVID-19 pandemic are more likely to exhibit one or more problem behaviors, a new study suggests. Research by the Royal Veterinary Colledge (RVC) has found that four in five (82%) owners of pandemic puppies have resorted to using punishment-based training methods to try to curb their dog’s problem behavior. The study found that moving the dog or shouting at them were the most commonly used aversive training methods. Other owners reported using water pistols, rattle bottles, and choke chains. Only 18% of owners who participated in the study said they didn’t use any aversive training methods or aids. Not only are aversive training techniques such as yelling at the dog or pulling its lead ineffective but they are also linked to further behavioral problems. The survey which was funded by the Battersea animal rescue charity asked more than 1,007 UK dog owners to list problem behaviors exhibited by their dogs. The list consisted of 24 problem behaviors reported by the owners. They ranged from control behaviors ( pulling on the leash) and attention-seeking behaviors, to aggressive behaviors and fear behaviors (anxiety around other dogs or people).Almost all (97%) owners said their dog exhibited at least one problem behavior from the list. At 21 months, owners on average reported five behavioral problems, while 20% of owners reported that their dogs had eight or more problem behaviors. According to owners, pulling on the leash is the most common problem behavior (67%), followed by jumping on people (57%), and not coming back when called (52%).Denise Mariner-Chappell got a Labrador retriever Ted during the pandemic. Strict lockdown measures made it hard to properly train and socialize her new pooch.“He’s a crazy dog when he’s out,” she said. “He’s just manic. He just wants to play and sniff, and everything, but not with humans.” Dr. Rowena Packer, the lead author of the study explained that problem behaviors are very common in pandemic puppies. In many cases, owners exacerbate these issues by using punishment-based training methods. “Although we understand these problem behaviors can be very frustrating for owners, they are often a sign a dog is struggling to cope or that they haven’t been taught an appropriate response in a situation, rather than dogs intentionally behaving badly,” she added.Packer warned that punishing the dog can make it anxious and fearful and cause it to develop further behavioral problems, including aggression. According to Robert Bays, Battersea’s senior animal behavior manager, the charity has seen an influx in dogs with behavioral problems coming into centers. These pups are suffering from separation anxiety and show other problem behaviors, which can be linked to training challenges brought on by the pandemic. “Without the right kind of positive training and support, a small behavioral problem in a puppy or a dog can quickly escalate into a serious issue, so we are deeply concerned with this study’s findings that so many owners are using aversive training methods,” said Bays.This training approach can cause additional behavioral problems in adulthood and also significantly damage the relationship between the dog and its owner. The study found that puppies who were still exhibiting problem behaviors by the age of 21 months were at a higher risk of being rehomed or euthanized. “A key piece of guidance arising from our study is that attending puppy classes is a vital way to support owners in using the best training techniques available.”Although many pandemic puppy owners missed these training classes due to lockdown restrictions there are thankfully many certified trainers who offer training classes for adult dogs. Join the PetGuide community. Get the latest pet news and product recommendations by subscribing to our newsletter here.

Bella the Cat Breaks the Guinness World Record for Loudest Purr

A 14-year-old cat from Huntingdon, Cambridgeshire, UK has broken the Guinness World Record for the loudest purr by a domestic cat (living). Bella produced a purr measuring 54.59 decibels. To give you a better picture, Bella’s purr was as loud as the sound of a boiling kettle and almost as loud as the sound of a washing machine.Bella’s owner, Nicole Spink, explained to Guinness World Records that her cat’s special talent comes naturally: “She purrs all day long. If there’s food around or cuddles, she always purrs.”“Also when watching TV - she likes to be loud with television. My late husband used to always moan about the sound of her purr blocking the sound of the TV in the evenings.”The Spink family has always known that there’s something special about Bella’s purr. “Friends and family always notice Bella’s loud purr, everyone comments ‘what’s that loud noise? Oh, it’s the cat’. It’s just Bella being happy!”One day, while leafing through the Guinness World Record book, Ms Spink and her daughter decided to perform a test. They downloaded a phone app that recorded and measured Bella’s purr, confirming their suspicions.An app can be a good indicator of a purr’s sound level, but a sound engineer is the only person who can measure it correctly. When the day of the official attempt came, Ms Spink was nervous that Bella wouldn’t want to purr. “She’s a stubborn little old lady and she does how she pleases. It’s very much Queen Bella’s world.”Bella’s record-breaking attempt was overseen by Dave Willson, the Official Guinness World Records adjudicator. “It’s always an exciting day when there is the potential for a new record, so we waited in anticipation to see whether Bella would be able to do it.”Mr Wilson and an independent sound engineer prepared the room in Spink’s family home to block out external noises and set up recording devices. The sound level meter used was kept at a one-meter distance from Bella, as well as a one-meter distance from the ground, following certified instructions. To beat the previous world record, Bella had to purr louder than 50 decibels. According to Mr Wilson, “the results were immediately obvious.”It seems that food might be the reason Bella purrs so loudly. When talking about the record-breaking attempt Ms. Spink said: “I fed her a bowl of Whiskas and then brought her into the room, laid her in her bed and she started purring, just like that!”As you can see, Bella is extremely motivated by food. According to her owner, Bella purrs loudly every time there’s a bowl of food in front of her. Despite her advanced age, Bella sprints to her bowl as soon as she sees a package of her food. A typical day in Bella’s life revolves around three things - food, sleep, and cuddles. Bella will wake up in my bed, she always wakes me up early and asks for her food. Then she’ll ask my kids or anyone else who comes into the house for more food. Then she will sleep, and then she’ll want more food and cuddles. Food and sleep is pretty much her life!”And that’s what you call a purrfect life!While Bella’s 54.59-decibel purr was loud enough to break the world record for a living cat, the record for the loudest purr ever belongs to two other cats - Merlin and Smokey. In 2011, a Northampton cat, Smokey, owned by Lucinda Ruth Adams, was recorded purring at a shocking noise level of 67 decibels. That’s more than 13 decibels louder than Bella’s record-breaking purr. Five years later, Smokey’s record was equated by Merlin, owned by Tracy Westwood in Devon. Smokey and Merlin are still co-holders of the record for the loudest purr by a domestic cat. 

Vet School Aims to Dispel Misinformation About Mysterious Illness

News about a mysterious illness has been making dog parents across the country nervous as they seek out available information. While there have been reported advances made in understanding the cause of the illness, many of the details are still vague, and a lot of “data” being shared by the mainstream media seems to be contradicting. How do you know what to believe?To help clarify the sea of information, Louisiana State University School of Veterinary Medicine has published an educational hub on their website with information about the illness, Atypical Canine Infectious Respiratory Disease Complex (aCIRDC).This hub is divided into several categories: Prevalence, Clinical Signs, Pathogenesis, Screening, Treatment, Prevention, Travel, and News. The goal is to share reliable and actionable information for pet parents that will help them make smart, knowledge-driven decisions about their pet’s health, especially as we head into a busy time of travel during the holiday season.Reported Cases of IllnessAccording to the hub, there are currently reported cases of “a chronic respiratory disease with characteristics of aCIRDC” in 16 different states, including:CaliforniaColoradoFloridaGeorgiaIdahoIllinoisIndianaMaineMarylandMassachusettsNew HampshireNevadaOregonPennsylvaniaRhode IslandVermontWashingtonOne of the most important things to note is the wording used by LSU Vet Med. This list is based on reported respiratory illnesses that have characteristics of the mystery illness, but it does not mean that the disease itself has been confirmed. Many respiratory infections and ailments present with very similar symptoms, including Canine Influenza and Bordatella.How to Prevent Illness in Your Dog This Holiday SeasonWhile there is no guarantee that the above states pose a higher risk of aCIRDC, veterinarians and other professionals recommend that pet parents take precautions to keep their pets safe. This is especially important as many of us plan to travel and visit family for the holidays. The following recommendations (as outlined by LSU Vet Med) will help to prevent your dog(s) from getting sick from any respiratory ailment, not just aCIRDC.Ensure Vaccinations are Up to DateWe currently don’t have enough understanding of aCIRDC for a preventative vaccination, but there are vaccinations for some respiratory illnesses. Check with your veterinarian that your dog is current on all routine vaccinations.Limit Exposure (Where Possible)If possible, avoid or limit bringing your dog to areas that put them at a higher risk of contracting a respiratory illness. This includes dog parks or shelter environments. Have a conversation with boarding and training facilities where dogs socialize to better understand their preventative measures, including cleaning and sanitization efforts. You should also ask about the vaccine requirements for dogs in their care and their plan for handling animals that show signs of being ill.Isolate Dogs with Signs of IllnessIs your dog showing signs that they may be ill? If so, isolation is critical. Don’t bring a potentially sick dog to public spaces, and do your best to keep them safely isolated from any other unaffected dogs in your home.

Watch As Adorable Shelter Dogs Pick Their Own Christmas Toys

The holiday season is associated with traditions and festivities as we gather with family, put up festive decorations, and exchange holiday gifts. For pet parents, these traditions often carry over to spoiling our furry companions. But what about the thousands of pets sitting in shelters and rescues around the world, waiting for their forever home?One rescue based in Ireland has embraced a heartwarming tradition since 2017. Each year, Dogs Trust Ireland collects donations from the public. Hundreds of donated toys are placed in a room, and the pets are brought in one at a time to select their perfect holiday gift. They record the selection process, sharing the adorable footage on their YouTube channel for animal lovers worldwide to enjoy. “The reason we love making the video so much is that it’s so special to witness each dog’s individual reaction. Some burst in the door and scatter toys everywhere in an excited frenzy, and when they choose ‘the’ toy, they do excited zoomies,” explained Corina Fitzsimons, Public Relations and Communications Manager. “For dog lovers, it doesn’t get much better than seeing dogs doing Zoomies! Others prefer people and, after a sniff, will come over for cuddles. Then there are those who test every toy three or four times before picking, and many of the Collies who find a plain ball, throw it at our feet, and look at us as if to say, ‘Please throw human,’ which we are happy to oblige with.” This year, a total of 54 dogs were recorded as they carefully made their selection. While some dogs quickly found that perfect holiday toy, others took as long as 20 minutes to settle on a favorite. The organization promises that every one of the 264 dogs in their care will receive at least one toy during the holiday season, thanks to the generous donations they received.

Golden Retriever Nurses African Painted Dog Pups Rejected by Their Mom

The Potawatomi Zoo in South Bend, Indiana, recently welcomed a litter of eight endangered African painted dog puppies. After a rough start, only three puppies survived thanks to an unlikely surrogate mother - a golden retriever named Kassy.The Potawatomi Zoo announced that the pair of their African painted dogs, Bleu and Maurice, had a litter of eight puppies born in late September. However, it was soon clear to the care team at the zoo that the pack would not be able to raise the puppies successfully.“Bleu, an inexperienced mother, was not caring for her pups the way she should have, and Maurice was following her lead,” said the zoo. In their natural habitat, African painted dogs live in large packs with unique vocalizations and social dynamics. All adult dogs in the pack work together to help feed and raise the pups. The success of the birth and raising of the pups can be endangered if the pack doesn’t work together as they should. “We knew within 24 hours that we had to separate them,” the zoo’s executive director, Josh Sisk, told the South Bend Tribune. The zoo’s animal care staff consulted with the African Painted Dog Species Survival Plan (SSP), a group of zoo professionals who form the breeding plans for this endangered species in accredited zoos across the United States. The staff at zoos usually try to remain uninvolved, letting the packs raise the puppies as they would in the wild. This approach is often successful and helps the pups learn the complex social structure of their species. However, in this case, the decision was made to intervene and hand-raise the litter. Instead of bottle-feeding the puppies, the SSP recommended finding a surrogate dog to nurse the puppies. Within a few hours, the Indiana Council for Animal Welfare connected the zoo with a golden retriever named Kassy, who recently had a litter of puppies and had milk to spare. Kassy and her litter arrived at the zoo a day after the painted dog pups were born and immediately accepted them. The zoo’s staff watched as Kessy nursed and cared for the pups as if they were her own.“It was a crazy first month,” Sisk said. “Our team was there for four weeks, 24/7. We had a mattress next to the dogs.”The zoo’s veterinarian and care team worked around the clock to ensure that all of the puppies, including Kassy’s litter, were getting enough food and time with Kassy. However, despite everyone’s efforts, not all of the African painted dog pups survived. Four weeks after the litter was born, only three puppies remained. The surviving pups were named Blue, Red, and Orange for the colors staff used to track them since they were born. Originally, the zoo planned to reintegrate the pups with Bleu, Maurice, and Colby. However, the adult dogs didn’t show a positive interest in the pups, so the plan was changed. The zoo decided to build a home for the pups next to adult dogs, so they could still learn how to behave like painted dogs. Once the puppies get older they can either be integrated with Bleu, Maurice, and Colby or moved to another zoo.“Blue, Red, and Orange have had an unusual and challenging start to life, but the zoo hopes they will have a bright and successful future,” the zoo shared in a release. “These three healthy, active pups are just the start of this story and the zoo hopes to share more positive updates of their milestones in the future.”Join the PetGuide community. Get the latest pet news and product recommendations by subscribing to our newsletter here.

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