Does Your Dog Have The Balls For Neuticles?

Fake testicles, or Neuticles, for dogs help spread the “neuter your pup” message in its own uniquely macho way

As responsible pet owners, we are aware of the importance of spaying and neutering (or other types of sterilization procedures). We don’t want to increase the heartbreaking number of animals euthanized in shelters every year (according to the Humane Society, it was 2.7 million in 2013). Veterinarians, health experts and behaviorists preach that a neutered dog will live a happier, healthier and longer life. The message is being heard worldwide, and there is progress being made in the control of the pet population (thanks Bob Barker).

But as with any debate, you’re apt to hear opposing, and often curious, points of view. As an example, you may have heard these argument against spaying: “I want her to experience motherhood before spaying her. My kids should see how puppies come into this world.” That sounds like a lovely sentiment, but what happens to all those newborn puppies when breeders or owners don’t step up to the plate to be responsible for their pet? Yep – the vicious circle continues.

Related: All About Neutering Dogs

Concerning male dogs, the against-neutering camp can be “macho” driven. Plainly speaking – some guys don’t like to see their dogs without their “package” or the “goods” (we’re talking sans balls here). They fear their furry best friend will lose his testosterone-y edge, thereby becoming the wussy, laughing stock of all the other male dogs at the dog park.

As part of the Latino community, I lost count of how many times I was laughed at by male friends after explaining that I had my cat neutered. “The poor thing,” they all say, imagining my cat drowning his sorrows in a sketchy, back-alley kitty bar. My reasons surrounded the decision, both health and population control related, made no difference to their belief that I took away his manhood, and therefore, his life as a dude was over.

Related: Do You Have Spay And Neuter Options?

Obviously, my friends aren’t the only ones who feel this way. That’s because the latest craze to hit the doggy plastic surgery market is Neuticles – perfect for the neutered male pooch who wants to regain his doggy dignity and street cred.

What are Neuticles, you may be asking yourself? They’re silicone-based fake testicles that are implanted in your dog during the neutering procedure. When he wakes up, his bits will look the same, even though he can’t do anything with them. According to the Neuticles website, there have been over 500,000 of these procedures performed without any complications. The implants are chosen depending on size, breed and age of the dog; so even if you want your dog to walk around with a swinging sack, the company isn’t going to let it happen. In this case, according the Neuticles, bigger is not better – your dog’s wellbeing is at stake, and walking around with two huge packages aren’t going to do anything about his self-esteem “issues”.

In my opinion, it’s a manly, virile-driven need coming from humans (kinda ironic, since that’s exactly what you’re taking away from him), and the dog doesn’t care about his new testicular-free life. But you know what? The people behind Neuticles believe in the advantages of spay and neutering. So basically, in a guy’s macho mind, by using the product, they can have their testosterone-filled cake and eat it, too. Hey, if this product helps convince a stubborn guy to neuter his dog, I say more power to the fake balls!

And while I still haven’t met any doggy with implants, I am pretty sure this happens: All the Neuticle dogs are out at the dog park, pestering their neutered non-implanted friends with taunts of “Go ahead Spot, touch them! They feel totally real dude!” And poor Spot, feeling emasculated, hangs his head in shame and heads home to prove his manhood by humping his owner’s leg.

I want to hear from you! Have you heard of the procedure or met a Neuticled dog? Let us know in the comment section below.

Glorimar Anibarro
Glorimar Anibarro

Glorimar Anibarro is a proud Puerto Rican now living in Southern California. She decided to trade in a career in advertising for a bold, new adventure – becoming a bilingual pet writer, sharing her knowledge in both English and Spanish. She also writes, designs and illustrates the chronicles of "Gato Avocado": a two-dimensional cat living in a three-dimensional world.

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