The Hairy Dogfathers’ Dogs’ Present: Christmas Gift Ideas For Your Human
Andre and Kevin have turned their column over to the dogs… more specifically, their dogs. Just in time for the holiday season, the Hairy Dogfathers’ Dogs’ – Burger, Belle, River and Max – have a Christmas list made just for pooches, full of gift ideas that are perfect for your human.
We understand that most of you have no money. This is likely for the best, seeing as you don’t have pockets, so you wouldn’t have anywhere to carry the money anyway. Hey, we get it – you’re on the lookout for some cost conscious ideas for your favorite human this Christmas. So as a group, we put our furry heads together and came up with a list of gifts you can give your human this year:
- Unconditional love: You’re most likely doing these things already, but there’s no reason to step up your game. Bound to the door to greet them, cover them in kisses, insist they pet your head rather than click the remote and chew up a pair of their socks – that’s true devotion! Humans say you can’t buy love, so show them how right they are.
- Take the blame for any holiday gas: Humans can’t control themselves around the holidays. Leave some food out on the counter and they’re sure to get into it! All the over indulgence is sure to lead to bad gas (and man, do human farts ever smell rancid!). You wanna have your human’s back? If they pass some gas, you’ll be the first to notice, thanks to our delicate noses and sensitive ears. Here’s what you do: look shameful and walk away slowly. Most of the people in the room will blame you, but make sure you give your human the “Who’s your best buddy?” look as you slink out of the room.
- Speaking of over indulgence: This time of year humans get all crazy about exercise after they’ve stuffed their faces! Take them for a walk, and no matter how long it was, reward yourself with a nice long nap after. No matter how long the walk actually was, a walk followed by a nap always makes humans feel really good about themselves. Like they actually met your exercise needs!
Related: Top 10 Holiday Gifts For Pets
- Act like a puppy: Within reason, of course. If you’re of a mature age, play it up. Put your dignity aside and do something stupid, such as chase your own tail, or bark at your reflection in the mirror. Doing this kinda stuff really gets humans excited and happy! You might feel a bit ashamed of yourself after, but it’s totally worth it when you see that look on their cute, non-furry faces.
- Consider opening their gifts for them: Humans got stuck with useless hands, with nubby fingers and no claws – how do they even get stuff done?! For some reason, they’re reluctant to use their teeth to tear open the paper and tape covering their gifts. That’s why we say surprise them on Christmas morning. Open all their gifts while they are sleeping and they’ll wake up to conveniently opened presents. They’ll be so impressed that they’ll be talking about that one for years!
Happy Paw-lidays, pooches and people!
The Dogs of the Hairy Dog Fathers (or should that be the Hairy Dogs who have Fathers?),
Burger, Belle, River, and Max