The Onion Publishes Not-At-All-Fake Research From Esteemed Pet Scienti

Lori Ennis
by Lori Ennis
The Onion is famous for making light of funny human antics. Now, they’re publishing research from esteemed Pet Scientists, and let’s just say… it’s a good thing we’re housetrained.

The Onion is known for posting articles that chronicle the real-life world in hilarious ways that make you nod your head with the obviousness of it all.

Related: 6 Easy Ways to Train Your Dog Every Day

Such was the case recently, when they shared the latest from a very prestigious group of pets, experts in the field of human behavior.

The lead researcher of the study, a West Highland Terrier named Nugget, shared the very conclusive data that every human who tells a pet they are just going to work is, in fact, a big, fat Liar McLiar Pants and gone forever.

More, the researchers found that any time a pet owner says she’ll “Be back soon, puppers!” it most likely means the world is coming to an end and the pets will most undoubtedly starve to death, waiting for their owner.

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When the elite team of pet researchers released the information, Nugget did have to amend his findings, saying that it turns out that 100% of owners who come back into driveways, do, in fact, come back at the end of the day, and they may be working on some further research.

If you’ve not checked The Onion out before, friends…!

Where else will you find such esteemed (and adorable!) researchers–we believe every word they say.

Lori Ennis
Lori Ennis

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