Here’s What Happens When the Poop Hits the Roomba
So you had a long day.
Your coffee spilled on your new khaki slacks (of course, couldn’t be navy or black!), your boss was on your case about something another co-worker actually messed up, the kids were running wild when you got home and dinner was leftovers.
At the end of the night, you retreat to your bedroom…the sanctuary where you finally can relax and recover. You lay your weary eyes on the pillow and then?
Somehow, it’s around 3:00 am, and your blissful rest is disturbed in the most unbelievable and horrific way.
Folks, horrific doesn’t even begin to describe it, actually.
Imagine waking up when your young child crawls into bed with you some time in the early hours, as he is prone to do, and you notice that Junior doesn’t have that baby fresh smell, but rather…smells like something the dog left on the carpet for you.
You investigate, and find that not only did that sweet little puppy actually leave a present, but your reliable, dependable family member/programmable vacuum didn’t get the memo that it needed to avoid that pile at ALL costs and well… we can only describe it as – when the shit hit the fan.
That’s exactly what happened to Jesse Newton, an innocent dad out of Arkansas. He chronicled his whole sordid tale on his Facebook page, and the post went viral. Newton describes some of the trauma he suffered as the result of his iRobot Roomba running its regularly scheduled program, but this night, it involved a pile of poop their new puppy had left out on the floor. When Newton’s four-year old son crawled into bed with him, Newton smelled the offensive odor and decided to investigate.
Upon said investigation, he found that the Roomba had carried out it’s midnight rendezvous with the floor, and in doing so, had spread that pile all.over.the.place. In his own words, Newton said, “.. on your floorboards. It will be on your furniture legs. It will be on your carpets. It will be on your rugs. It will be on your kids’ toy boxes. If it’s near the floor, it will have poop on it. Those awesome wheels, which have a checkered surface for better traction, left 25-foot poop trails all over the house. Our lovable Roomba, who gets a careful cleaning every night, looked like it had been mudding. Yes, mudding – like what you do with a Jeep on a pipeline road. But in poop.”
In essence, the Roomba went colon bowlin’. All over their house.
The heroic dad cleaned up the mess to the best of his ability, and as he was, he was, “…inventing new types of profanity…saying things that would make Satan shudder in revulsion.” (Who could blame him, though?!)
When the light of day came, Newton was left with another mess. In desperately trying to save the expensive Roomba (because he’d already dropped several hundred deuces to pay for that one!) he inadvertently brought it to its demise by submerging it in the tub as he cleaned it. Luckily, he bought it from a retailer who offered a lifetime warranty, no questions asked.
Though he offered the truth anyway. Newton felt it the honorable thing to do to tell them exactly what happened and still? They replaced his vacuum immediately. We imagine they also burned the pooptabulous one originally brought in.
So, remember this the next time you think you’re having a tough day – this could have been YOU! And, if you have animals that make a habit of leaving ‘tootsie rolls’ around… turn the Roomba OFF!!!
More by Lori Ennis